reflections on gratitude (2019)

I’ve been keeping a Gratitude Jar for several years now. It started as an intentional practice to invite ongoing joy into my life and as a discipline to choose to filter a day through the lens of what it was rather than what it wasn’t.

(You can read about the why here – disciplines of gratitude)

My Gratitude Jar is a collection of small, dated pieces of paper sorted by month and waiting for me to write a reflection for every day. My practice has been to do it as part of my end of day routine. To pause and think of a couple of sentences worth of things to be grateful for. Sometimes the words flows freely and the page is too small. Sometimes the blank space is something of a taunt as I sift through a weary or sad heart to find something to write. I’ve found over the years that just the act of walking past its spot on my dresser is enough to activate the mechanism – and even if I don’t write it down, my heart is turned to gratitude. The habit of that has been a gift to me. As my friend Mel says, “I’m grateful for the gratitude.”

At the turn of the new year it’s time to dive in and read them back. I love to gather them in groups to see those things that get some more regular mentions – names that are repeated, evidences of themes and affirmations that are finding deep roots in my soul, the number of times I can be “surprised” by something before the language turns to that of expectation or acceptance.

2019 was a year of stark contrasts for me and my notes reflect the extremes. There were so many aspects of my life in 2019 that were beyond anything I could’ve imagined but simultaneously this ran parallel with times of deep loneliness and grief.

From the highlights column – some general themes.

Loving my work –

I am so grateful for a work context that has such a healthy and empowering culture. Not only do we get to do meaningful work together, we also celebrate well and have heaps of fun. I feel highly valued and appreciated, and totally resourced to be a blessing to all those I meet and minister with. I constantly reflect on how perfectly Kimmy-shaped this role is – where all of my gifts, skills, passions and experiences are utilised and where there are no limitations to exploring all God would lead me to do and be.

Amazing ministry opportunities –

Both inside and outside my BUV role, I am grateful for all of the ways I’ve been able to minister this past year. I’ve been in some great locations – locally, interstate and overseas – and in a variety of contexts – podcasts, preaching, workshops etc. I’ve spoken to some fabulous groups and been honoured by the trust of others expressed in mentoring and one-to-one moments. I’ve been encouraged again and again by the continued ministry impact of my book as it keeps finding its way to the ears and hearts of those most needy of it. I saw the amazing impact of the KidsHope relationship (and did the sad farewell to my special friend as well as ending my 13 year involvement in the program). I was blessed again and still by my involvement in the Arrow Leadership community.

Friends & family –

I regularly marvel at the high caliber of people I know. As I travel the country (and parts of the world) I am convinced I know all of the best people in those places! I say it again, you should be my friend just so you can know my friends. I am truly blessed by those who invest into my life, welcome me openly and allow me the privilege of loving and serving them. Amazing people who nurture my soul by seeing, knowing and championing me to be the best Kimmy I can.

We also welcomed a new niece-husband, 2 niece-babies and a nephew-fiancée into our family. It was so great to christen the new home with a family Christmas gathering on Boxing Day. So exciting to fill the space with stories and memories and laughter.

A refreshing church –

In 2018, it was prophesied to me that OneHope would be a church of refreshment. That I would go out (to minister beyond my previously understood boundaries) and come back to be refreshed. And that has definitely been my experience. I’ve been so blessed to truly find a home amongst the people of OneHope. A place to exercise my ministry gifts and capacity with maximum impact. A place of honour and embrace. A place of relational engagement across generations and with a diverse spread of people. It wasn’t an easy process – settling in a new church is hard work! But the rewards of persistence have been many. I’m excited for what this next year will hold – especially now that I’m living 2 mins from my home campus.

Baking and making –

There was a repeating thread throughout the year around my love for baking and making. I love the process of creating (made in the image of a creator God!) and love, love, LOVE the opportunity to bless others with what’s produced. I need to do more of it. Does anyone need some cupcakes? Or a crocheted something?

Adulting –

I did some pretty grown up things in 2019.

Like renovate my bathroom, toilet, en-suite and laundry. Of course, I didn’t actually do any of it – but I did do all the deciding and 100% of the paying!!!

But it turned out to be a well-chosen investment into the value of my home that facilitated me buying another property in Geelong. Again, I didn’t do much of the actual things but, again, I decided and paid!

#choosinghowtolive underscored all of that process. I’ll reflect more at another time on all of the aspects of lifestyle and posture that God laid on my heart that have culminated in the new iteration of The Tent (read here why I (happily) live in a tent).

The process of decluttering (I estimate I reduced the amount of things I own by more than half!!!!) was a sometimes traumatic but ultimately rewarding process. I’m glad to start here free of a lot of unnecessary things and having blessed a whole lot of others with items they’ll be making much more use of rather than them sitting in my cupboards (or in piles randomly scattered throughout the house)!

From the lowlights side of the ledger.

I struggled with living disconnected. My work was over there and my church community was over there and I was in the middle. After 18 years of living, working, churching and playing in the same area it was a massive adjustment. And, ultimately, I was just sleeping at my house. It did pretty much zero hospitality – which is what it was consecrated for – and not enough hosting of life, activity and ministry. Sure, some of that is just geography but with it came some grief for all that had changed and had been lost – and some hurts that still attach themselves there – that made for some pretty low times.

My health was a challenge. “The change”, as we delicate women-folk might reference it, has been a significant physical challenge as well as an emotionally difficult thing to process.

Also, on reading back through the gratitude notes, I’m reminded of the battle I (largely) lost to regain my confidence and rhythm in writing. It was going to be my year for getting back on the writing horse, but I didn’t manage more than a few rides before I was bucked off – and for the most part, I didn’t even mount up! I could keep the analogy going but that would be like flogging a …

gratitude in 2020

So, the jar has been reset. The first 7 days have been logged. There is great expectancy as things rev up for the new year.

My usual questions for end of year review

  • How is my relationship with God?
  • How are my relationships with family and friends?
  • Am I remaining open to “relationship”?
  • What new things have I learnt or experienced in ministry?
  • What “project” did I complete?
  • How is my health and fitness?

..are all mostly answered in the above reflections.

I’m excited for new opportunities at work and in ministry. For a new local neighbourhood to explore. For a new era of “Tent-life” to unfold – including an extension and some extensive renovations! For improving health and fitness. For deepening relationship with God and with my family and friends.

I will keep inviting and welcoming joy into my life by CHOOSING GRATITUDE.

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