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reflections on gratitude (2019)

| Kimberly Smith

I’ve been keeping a Gratitude Jar for several years now. It started as an intentional practice to invite ongoing joy into my life and as a discipline to choose to filter a day through the lens of what it was rather than what it wasn’t.

(You can read about the why here – disciplines of gratitude)

My Gratitude Jar is a collection of small, dated pieces of paper sorted by month and waiting for me to write a reflection for every day. My practice has been to do it as part of my end of day routine. To pause and think of a couple of sentences worth of things to be grateful for. Sometimes the words flows freely and the page is too small. Sometimes the blank space is something of a taunt as I sift through a weary or sad heart to find something to write. I’ve found over the years that just the act of walking past its spot on my dresser is enough to activate the mechanism – and even if I don’t write it down, my heart is turned to gratitude. The habit of that has been a gift to me. As my friend Mel says, “I’m grateful for the gratitude.”

At the turn of the new year it’s time to dive in and read them back. I love to gather them in groups to see those things that get some more regular mentions – names that are repeated, evidences of themes and affirmations that are finding deep roots in my soul, the number of times I can be “surprised” by something before the language turns to that of expectation or acceptance.

2019 was a year of stark contrasts for me and my notes reflect the extremes. There were so many aspects of my life in 2019 that were beyond anything I could’ve imagined but simultaneously this ran parallel with times of deep loneliness and grief.

From the highlights column – some general themes.

Loving my work –

I am so grateful for a work context that has such a healthy and empowering culture. Not only do we get to do meaningful work together, we also celebrate well and have heaps of fun. I feel highly valued and appreciated, and totally resourced to be a blessing to all those I meet and minister with. I constantly reflect on how perfectly Kimmy-shaped this role is – where all of my gifts, skills, passions and experiences are utilised and where there are no limitations to exploring all God would lead me to do and be.

Amazing ministry opportunities –

Both inside and outside my BUV role, I am grateful for all of the ways I’ve been able to minister this past year. I’ve been in some great locations – locally, interstate and overseas – and in a variety of contexts – podcasts, preaching, workshops etc. I’ve spoken to some fabulous groups and been honoured by the trust of others expressed in mentoring and one-to-one moments. I’ve been encouraged again and again by the continued ministry impact of my book as it keeps finding its way to the ears and hearts of those most needy of it. I saw the amazing impact of the KidsHope relationship (and did the sad farewell to my special friend as well as ending my 13 year involvement in the program). I was blessed again and still by my involvement in the Arrow Leadership community.

Friends & family –

I regularly marvel at the high caliber of people I know. As I travel the country (and parts of the world) I am convinced I know all of the best people in those places! I say it again, you should be my friend just so you can know my friends. I am truly blessed by those who invest into my life, welcome me openly and allow me the privilege of loving and serving them. Amazing people who nurture my soul by seeing, knowing and championing me to be the best Kimmy I can.

We also welcomed a new niece-husband, 2 niece-babies and a nephew-fiancée into our family. It was so great to christen the new home with a family Christmas gathering on Boxing Day. So exciting to fill the space with stories and memories and laughter.

A refreshing church –

In 2018, it was prophesied to me that OneHope would be a church of refreshment. That I would go out (to minister beyond my previously understood boundaries) and come back to be refreshed. And that has definitely been my experience. I’ve been so blessed to truly find a home amongst the people of OneHope. A place to exercise my ministry gifts and capacity with maximum impact. A place of honour and embrace. A place of relational engagement across generations and with a diverse spread of people. It wasn’t an easy process – settling in a new church is hard work! But the rewards of persistence have been many. I’m excited for what this next year will hold – especially now that I’m living 2 mins from my home campus.

Baking and making –

There was a repeating thread throughout the year around my love for baking and making. I love the process of creating (made in the image of a creator God!) and love, love, LOVE the opportunity to bless others with what’s produced. I need to do more of it. Does anyone need some cupcakes? Or a crocheted something?

Adulting –

I did some pretty grown up things in 2019.

Like renovate my bathroom, toilet, en-suite and laundry. Of course, I didn’t actually do any of it – but I did do all the deciding and 100% of the paying!!!

But it turned out to be a well-chosen investment into the value of my home that facilitated me buying another property in Geelong. Again, I didn’t do much of the actual things but, again, I decided and paid!

#choosinghowtolive underscored all of that process. I’ll reflect more at another time on all of the aspects of lifestyle and posture that God laid on my heart that have culminated in the new iteration of The Tent (read here why I (happily) live in a tent).

The process of decluttering (I estimate I reduced the amount of things I own by more than half!!!!) was a sometimes traumatic but ultimately rewarding process. I’m glad to start here free of a lot of unnecessary things and having blessed a whole lot of others with items they’ll be making much more use of rather than them sitting in my cupboards (or in piles randomly scattered throughout the house)!

From the lowlights side of the ledger.

I struggled with living disconnected. My work was over there and my church community was over there and I was in the middle. After 18 years of living, working, churching and playing in the same area it was a massive adjustment. And, ultimately, I was just sleeping at my house. It did pretty much zero hospitality – which is what it was consecrated for – and not enough hosting of life, activity and ministry. Sure, some of that is just geography but with it came some grief for all that had changed and had been lost – and some hurts that still attach themselves there – that made for some pretty low times.

My health was a challenge. “The change”, as we delicate women-folk might reference it, has been a significant physical challenge as well as an emotionally difficult thing to process.

Also, on reading back through the gratitude notes, I’m reminded of the battle I (largely) lost to regain my confidence and rhythm in writing. It was going to be my year for getting back on the writing horse, but I didn’t manage more than a few rides before I was bucked off – and for the most part, I didn’t even mount up! I could keep the analogy going but that would be like flogging a …

gratitude in 2020

So, the jar has been reset. The first 7 days have been logged. There is great expectancy as things rev up for the new year.

My usual questions for end of year review

  • How is my relationship with God?
  • How are my relationships with family and friends?
  • Am I remaining open to “relationship”?
  • What new things have I learnt or experienced in ministry?
  • What “project” did I complete?
  • How is my health and fitness?

..are all mostly answered in the above reflections.

I’m excited for new opportunities at work and in ministry. For a new local neighbourhood to explore. For a new era of “Tent-life” to unfold – including an extension and some extensive renovations! For improving health and fitness. For deepening relationship with God and with my family and friends.

I will keep inviting and welcoming joy into my life by CHOOSING GRATITUDE.

will you be lonely at Christmas?

| Kimberly Smith


Christmas is fast approaching! The more organised have crossed off lists, the semi-organised have started writing lists and everyone else is definitely considering thinking about lists …soon …maybe. 

For many, Christmas plans are predictable. Traditions have been well established and you know where you’ll be for each part of the day (or 3 days), who will be part of each gathering and what the general format of each occasion will be. 

For others, Christmas represents looming fear. Plans are unconfirmed. Perhaps circumstances have changed since last year – a divorce, death, you (or others) have moved, work situations have changed, family life has shifted – and so you’re not really sure what it will look like. 

If you know someone who is alone NOW is the time to check they have a place to go and people to be with. Now is the time when the pending loneliness might be starting to niggle at their hearts and their peace. Now is the time they might be wondering if they ought to prepare for a quiet day alone. 

So NOW is the time to extend the invitation. A simple “what are your plans for Christmas Day?” will reveal those without any. And a follow up to be included in a specific aspect of your plans will, at the very least, have them know that if they spend the day alone it will be by choice and not by force. 

Celebration days can be difficult for Singles or those living far from or without extended family. “Everyone” talks of busy, tired, full and fun times that can contrast sharply with some people’s experience and that is part of the feeling of loneliness. 

My friend posted this on FaceBook today and I love it. 


Who are you spending Christmas with? Who could you check in with? To whom might you extend an invitation to ensure they’re not lonely this Christmas?

why we MUST embrace conflict

| Kimberly Smith

I really don’t like conflict. In fact, I don’t think anyone does. 

Those who say they like conflict are either bullies who love a good fight OR are actually referring to the outcomes of conflict rather than the conflict itself. 

I love what healthy conflict accomplishes. 

Conflict achieves better results. 

Conflict ensures that all aspects of a decision, event or direction have been fully considered. When ideas are up for debate and discussion we refine and clarify them for best outcomes. Conflict means that we haven’t just settled for the easiest way or the idea that was presented first or loudest. 

Conflict refines our character. 

No one wants to be told that they’ve behaved inappropriately or that they’re being received in an unpleasant manner – but surely we’d rather the chance to change that through awareness and assistance rather than persist in ignorance? Conflict is necessary to acknowledge our sharp edges and give us the chance to smooth them down. 

Conflict strengthens relationships. 

Conflict builds trust. In relationships where hard conversations are lovingly navigated, misalignments recalibrated and, ways forward together are negotiated intimacy and trust are grown. Willingness to identify and endure conflict communicates a depth of commitment. Pressing in through the tough times is what forges strong relational connection. Ignoring issues over fear of conflict creates emotional distance, mistrust and, ultimately, separation. 

So how do we conflict well? 

HEALTHY CONFLICT – 

  • Debates issues not people.

Finding the best outcome means separating an idea from the person who presents it – otherwise we have to go with the decision that belongs to the person we like most or are more afraid of upsetting. We also have to be okay with our idea being trumped by a better one or refined by other thoughts without taking it personally. 

  • Is best when invited. 

Creating an environment where conflict is welcomed – through invitation and self-control in our responses – can diffuse some of the tension and apprehension. Giving others permission to speak frankly, critique honestly and call us to bigger and better in our behaviour and ideas won’t make conflict fun but will make it more healthy and edifying.