“Maybe there’s something wrong with me?”

April 5, 2016February 14, 2020 | Kimberly Smith

This was the conclusion of a 25 year old (yes, 25 years old!) single contestant/participant on the first episode of the new series of Married at First Sight when reflecting on her life status.

She is 25. She’s single and doesn’t want to be. There must be something wrong with her.

Imagine me sitting opposite her in a coffee shop (because that’s what I’ve been doing) and this is what you’d hear me say.

There are two options here. Either there IS something wrong with you – in which case, you should fix that – you shouldn’t marry someone you haven’t met before on a reality TV show meets psychological experiment. OR there ISN’T something wrong with you – in which case you shouldn’t marry someone you haven’t met before on a reality TV show meets psychological experiment.

Then I would let her pay for the coffee.

The more I think about the “maybe there’s something wrong with me” question that has the potential to plague single people of all ages and stages (more so for some than others) – the more I think it’s a question we need to face and not avoid or dismiss. Because the haunting nature of that question has the capacity to powerfully derail an individual in their living of a fruitful and fulfilling life.

So single dude, single lady, IS there something wrong with you? No really, is there? Don’t answer “well there must be because I’m single” – think beyond that. Is there anything wrong with you? While that possibility lies unchallenged in your psyche it will have an unhealthy control over your sense of self and could lead you to finding yourself sitting in a limousine questioning whether or not the decision to marry someone you’ve never met is a good idea. Or making other very bad decisions in life and love. Find out if there’s anything wrong with you and work to fix it. Get that question off the table.

It might not change your relationship status but it will change your perspective on it.

You’re probably not single because there’s something wrong with you. Firstly, some of you haven’t even had the chance for a prospective partner to find out what’s wrong with you. And secondly, look around – have you seen some of the people who ARE married? There are some twisted, broken, weird and altogether unpleasant people who are married! There’s stuff wrong with them and they’re married!

Here’s a word of advice for you without the price of the coffee. Take the question off the table. Move on to more productive spends of your emotional energy.

Focus on the Family interview #2

November 13, 2015November 13, 2015 | Kimberly Smith

It was great to have a chance to chat with the team of Focus on the Family Australia.

You can listen to the interview by clicking HERE

The first interview went live last weekend and I was encouraged to receive responses from people all over the country. (You can listen to that one here.)

The feedback Focus on the Family has had over many years is that this topic isn’t discussed that often so it’s great to be part of bringing it to the fore.

There’s some strange vulnerability associated with having a very unknown listening audience but I keep trusting that it’s landing on the right ears, encouraging the right hearts and advancing the conversation in all the right places.

weddings & singleness

September 28, 2015 | Kimberly Smith

Click on the image for a lighthearted look at the single, the grief cycle … and weddings! 🙂

Barrabool Hills Baptist Church – Aug 30 2015

September 3, 2015 | Kimberly Smith

It was great to be at Moolap and Barrabool Hills Baptist Church on Sunday across all three of their services.

Seated in one of the services was a lady who had recently lost her husband … and when I say recently, I mean super recently … 4 days earlier! She was there with a girlfriend who had come to stay with her – clearly still in that numb state of shock and disbelief that can often accompany grief and loss. But they were both blown away by the sovereignty of God to have her sit under a message about the importance of community and family for the Single person. Her girlfriend was challenged to understand the new needs and challenges that were ahead of this newly widowed lady. They bought a copy of the book for them both to look at in the weeks and months to come.

What do you say to someone who is processing such grief and loss? She was so convinced of God’s timing and provision of this message (& the book) and we were able to agree and affirm that God clearly had her number. While everything else ahead of her is uncertain right now – she can be sure that God is right there with her in it.

You can listen to the message HERE

that single girl

July 29, 2015July 30, 2015 | Kimberly Smith

On Sunday I will officially become something I’ve been trying to avoid for many years -“that Single girl”.

It was over 8 years ago that God first spoke to me (prophetically through a ministry friend) about writing a book on Singleness and God’s family. For the first year or two after that the idea was spoken about as a bit of a joke – “when you write that book …” or “that’s a story for your book!”

Alongside my general propensity for procrastination, one of the reasons the project didn’t happen for so long is that I didn’t want to be “that Single girl”. I didn’t want my “life’s message” to be about singleness. I didn’t want to be some sort of singleness expert. Even as my experiences accumulated and my understanding of the Single life (mine and other’s) deepened and even as I saw (from both positive and negative examples) the significance of the interactions between Singles and the Church family – I didn’t want to be the one to champion or steward the message. If I’m going to be the “voice” of something couldn’t it be marriage or parenting or … or … underwater basket weaving!?!?! Anything but singleness!

Last year, God’s long-suffering and gentle prodding shifted gears and He came at me with a multi-fronted attack – “Write the book already!! Just do it!!” So, while I may be good at procrastinating and excuse-making, when it comes to wilful disobedience I’m no dummy! In fact, another friend prophetically declared it my “book of obedience” and as I followed God into the project He opened all the doors and His provision was generous and sure.

The book was published in March and has been seeping out to various individuals, leaders and churches since then. (Order your copy HERE) I am so encouraged by the feedback it’s received. God is using it to bless, encourage and challenge His family. I love that God works that way – He takes our humble offerings and breathes His Spirit of grace and truth into them and they bear fruit in the lives of His children and for His Kingdom purposes. And we get to participate with Him! It’s been such an exciting project to be part of.

But now, as I prepare for my first book-related speaking opportunity, I find myself needing to process a fresh wave of …well, I’m not exactly sure what it is. Grief? Disappointment? Resistance? I have to step on the platform and be “that Single girl”. You know, the one who is so Single she’s written a book about it!? While there are some potential positives to such a public declaration of singleness (my mum has long hoped for me to make my status part of my introduction anytime I’m speaking to a new audience) there’s a work to be done to sort through the “stuff” to get to a place of greater celebration and expectation.

I’ve rarely been as sure of God calling me to a specific assignment than I have been with this book. I am thoroughly convinced of the Church’s need to hear and respond to the message it contains. I am 100% committed to seeing this book reach the full intent for which God commissioned me to write it. But the reality is there’s a cost. There’s a surrendering required. There’s a setting aside of my own agenda, pride, embarrassment, or disappointment in order to free my hands to embrace all that these opportunities will no doubt contain.

So I will be “that Single girl” …and anything else He would ask me to be … trusting His timing, being confident in His calling. Even if I’d have chosen something else, I know He has chosen me for this and this for me.

The True Cost of Jealousy #2

October 20, 2014May 1, 2015 | Kimberly Smith

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

It continues with quite a list … including a time to be born and a time to die, a time to scatter and a time to gather, a time to search and a time to give up. And then concludes in verse 11 by saying “He has made everything beautiful in His time.”

There is a time for everything. God has ordered the changes in the physical world and He also orders them in OUR world. There is a time for sleeping in and a time for sleepless nights. There is a time for travelling and a time for staying around home. There is a time to spend and a time to save (or scrape by). There are times of deep grief and times of great rejoicing. There are seasons of relative ease and times of seemingly perpetual struggle. Continue reading →

The Warning Light of Jealousy #3

October 9, 2014May 1, 2015 | Kimberly Smith

Last year my friend and I got Gold Class movie tickets as a Christmas gift. We got ourselves settled into the comfy couches (DO NOT go when you are tired unless you’re just wanting to pay for a nap – waaaay too cozy!) and took a selfie – as you do – and checked-in online, tagging the friend that had given us the tickets so they could see us enjoying them.

A friend of mine, married with two adorable kiddies, posted on the picture saying “oh to be single again”!

Ok, firstly, pretty sure married people are allowed to go to the movies too! But that’s beside the point. Continue reading →

The Warning Light of Jealousy #1

October 3, 2014May 30, 2016 | Kimberly Smith

Hi. My name is Kimberly and I get jealous (a lot)!

**chorus – Hi Kim!**

It feels better to get that out. Confession is good for the soul!

Whilst I wouldn’t call it my friend, jealousy has definitely been a constant companion. More like an inappropriate friend-slash-stalker, always lurking, always nearby.

Jealousy, for me, centres around my (and others’) life stage. I’m single and childless – and not by choice or expectation. I am frequently jealous of the “coupledness” of others. I am jealous of the sense of belonging and connection they experience within marriage – they have their ‘person’. I am jealous that others go home from things with or to partners and families and I go home alone. I sometimes literally ache with the desire to be a mum – to be a little person’s person.

That’s the default of my unchecked, undisciplined thought life. I really love my life as it is now. I love the freedoms and opportunities that are mine to enjoy in this season. It’s why I choose to FIGHT the jealousy rather than let it embitter me. But it is a constant wrestle, a daily choice; a battle not always won. Continue reading →