Today marks the start of some Long Service Leave I’ve taken with the intention of doing some writing.
It’s been ten years since I published my book and in recent months/years my regular writing practices have been somewhat thwarted. By self-doubt, negative internalized-external voices, by life and all its things! But today is the day I’ve been mentally and emotionally preparing for, anticipating, dreading, praying and seeking counsel about, fearing, hoping, worrying, and getting excited for. It’s here!
There are new chapters to add to the original book ahead of a reprint (the print run was exhausted quite a while ago!). There are some blogs and reading plans/devotionals just waiting to be put to paper and published. And there’s another book to write … maybe more than one? As always, there is no shortage of ideas or ministry imagination and opportunity.
As anyone aspiring to the work of writing will tell you, it’s an undertaking fraught with self-doubt, discouragement, and fear. There’s something so permanent about written words – especially published ones! For someone who speaks, shares, studies, and converses for a living (& a hobby!) I can find myself alarmingly hesitant. Who wants to read this anyway? What would I know? Do people already know *this*? Who am I kidding? Who am I to think these words need capturing let alone sharing? On and on in an endless loop.
For me, writing is a stewardship. A belief that entrusted to me are perspectives, insights, wisdom, stories, and language that God would have me share for more than just me. “When God gives you a message, it’s for ministry” is something my friend Suzie said to me that pushed me over the edge to actually begin writing my first book. He doesn’t teach me just for me. He doesn’t encourage me just for me. He doesn’t gift me with the heart and capacity to discern, unpack, and articulate just for my edification.
Stewardship requires that I write. Trust makes me pick up my pen. Faith gives me expectancy for fruitfulness. History reminds me of God’s faithfulness to use my offerings for His purposes and glory.
And with that, the writing season is officially open!
Prior to a conversation with my Senior Pastor in 2003, I had never even considered paid vocational ministry. He asked for a meeting and let me know that his sense of God’s plans for the healing, growth and future health of the church included an emphasis on Generational ministry and he thought there was a role for me to play. Despite growing up in church, serving in ministry since I was old enough to be trusted to look after babies and toddlers in the creche (which I think was aged 8!), directing and leading on holiday youth camps, regularly leading kids’ talks and worship in church, and rarely missing a Sunday service; until that moment, it had never even crossed my mind to consider doing any of that as a job!
Perhaps it was because I’d never known a female pastor before. Maybe it was influenced by the fact that most of my church contexts had not always had a paid Senior pastor let alone any other staff. In light of where my life path has taken me since, it seems almost comical to reflect on now, but it just had never been on my radar.
And so, in the office of my Senior Pastor I responded with surprise and nervous laughter at the suggestion. Not long after this moment, I was reading the story of Moses as recorded in Exodus 3 and found a completely relatable narrative.
God speaks to Moses through a burning bush (that bit is less relatable – but bear with me). He has heard the cry of the Israelites, sees their suffering and misery under slavery in Egypt, and He has a plan to rescue them that appears to be largely centred on Moses. It seems Moses responded with surprise and nervous laughter also! He is immediately gripped with self-doubt and fear. “Who am I that I should go?” “…what will I say to them?” “What if they don’t believe me or listen to me…?”
I didn’t mean to be quoting directly from scripture in that meeting in my Senior Pastor’s office but it turns out I was doing a terrific Moses impersonation! Who me? But what do I know? What if I can’t? He also suggested that I would be preaching and at that point I actually laughed out loud.
Here’s the thing, though. I’ve read further in the story and I know that Moses took his questioning and hesitance just a little bit too far. In fact, he said “Please pick someone else!” and the Bible says the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and well, there were consequences. It’s a life motto of mine to always make new mistakes (rather than repeat one that’s already been done) so I decided to arrest my fear-inspired protestations and just say yes!
Initially, that was just a yes to further conversations. It was yes to being open to what God might be saying and to trusting the process of discernment with church leadership, trusted friends and in my own heart. There were some other affirming experiences and words along that journey including the prophetic application of this scripture – Isaiah 54 – The Tent. There was initially resistance from some in the congregation and there were a few spicy conversations had both with me and about me (She’s divorced! She’s a she! etc) but a few months later the church affirmed my appointment to staff as the part time Children’s & Youth Coordinator.
Over 14.5 years of being on staff there I would go on to add theological study to my education qualifications, increase my hours to eventually be full time, lead and develop teams in a fast growing church and expanding ministries, and explore gifting, skills and calling in an environment of great opportunity and support. When I finished my time there I was an Associate Pastor and subsequently moved into a denominational state role.
Ministry life is a wild ride. Like any job there are days that feel more like work than others. As we say in the business, there’s a lot that’s not included on the brochure when it comes to pastoral ministry. There’s a lot that they don’t even include in the fine print because you might not sign on if you knew (assuming we’d read the fine print anyway, who does that? 😉 ). But my anchor through all the challenging times and just as significantly in the fruitful and elating times, has been my sense of call.
I am here at God’s invitation and wholly reliant on Him to do in, for and through me whatever best advances His Kingdom and brings Him glory. It’s my privilege to partner with Him in this way.
The first time I preached a sermon to our morning congregation, a family stood up in protest (of a woman preaching) and made an aggressive exit from the room (and subsequently the church). In that moment, shaken and distracted, it was my confidence in God’s call that recalibrated me. In the conversations that followed (and on numerous occasions across my ministry life subsequently), under the weight of accusation of rebellion and sinfulness, in being challenged as to my knowledge of or obedience to scripture, in the confrontation of others’ deeply held convictions and in the wrestle of my own understanding and the reality of a future reckoning; it was the call that was my true north. Not a call to that specific church or role, but to a broader understanding of how He had equipped me and what He had deposited in my heart to burn as conviction and passion for my part in His mission.
In times of deep personal disappointment (there is nothing quite like ministry and its intense ‘peopleness’ to reveal some of the less than desirable aspects of ones character), loss, failure, falling short of my own and others’ expectations, or when feeling the profound overwhelm of the never-ending task of pastoral ministry and mission – it’s the belief that God has led me here, will use me here, will empower me here, and will comfort me here that sustains me. There is no other place to look that has any security or holds any more clear truth.
When someone makes a step toward Jesus, when a person preaches their first sermon or serves in kids ministry for the first time, when God reveals wisdom for untangling complex issues in a pastoral meeting, when someone says “I think that sermon was just for me”, when you’re present for breakthrough in prayer, when (in my case) I’m facilitating a workshop or mentoring a leader or calling out gifting, when you’re front row for the activity of God – these are the moments the call is clarified and affirmed. These moments call for my favourite hashtags – #dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo #canyoubelievewegettodothis You know it if you’ve felt it. The profound sense of being exactly where you should be, doing and being those things you were called to do and be.
There have been many moments in the past 20 years were I’ve begun to reprise my role as Moses. When new frontiers brought new fears. When open doors led to places seemingly beyond my capacity. When situations arose that were outside of my experience and expertise. When hurts were suffered. What will I say? What if they don’t believe me? What if I fail? What if I’m rejected? What if it’s too hard? God answers, “I will be with you!” “It is I who sent you!” “I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
That’s when I set down my Moses script and remember my yes. There is confidence in the call.
What if 2023 was the year you took a significant step forward in your leadership? Maybe that’s already part of your personal goal setting or strategic planning for your ministry. If it’s not, maybe it should be!
The concept of developing as a leader is so broad and potentially intangible – it can be hard to know where to start.
So, here’s a basic 3 step plan that might be a useful stepping off point. And it centers around just one idea – one area of focus.
I listen to lots of productivity and personal development experts, leading thinkers and researchers in the fields of time management, habits and goals – as well as tracking leaders whose insights I value because they exemplify ongoing growth in their own leadership and ministry. So these three steps are a hybrid of what I am understanding to be best practice.
1. Choose an area of focus
Just one! Think of an aspect of your personal life or leadership engagement that, were you to improve in that area, it could make a significant overall difference.
It could be in relation to your physical health – poor sleep, eating or exercise patterns can have dramatic impact on how you show up. It could be in public speaking or team leadership, in spiritual disciplines like rhythms of prayer or retreat, or managing conflict or in relation to feedback or being better at responding to failure or criticism. It could be many things but what’s the one thing in your personal or professional life that if you made some advancements in that area if could have the greatest impact on your broader life and leadership?
Choose just one thing.
2. Choose one action
What’s one action step you could take toward the goal of improvement in your chosen area?
Again, just one thing. Be specific.
“Get healthy” is not going to cut it. It’s not measurable or practical enough to get you mobilised. But maybe go to bed 30 minutes earlier or ride to work one day a week would be more accessible, achievable and subsequently more likely to happen.
It could be to read or listen to books or podcasts on emotional intelligence, or dealing with conflict. It could be to approach someone to invite into a regular practice of intentional feedback.
Again, just one thing. We’re putting the cookies on the bottom shelf so we are most able and likely to access them (unless your goal is around disciplined eating – put something else on the bottom shelf!).
In your one are of desired growth and improvement what is one practical step you could take to head you in your preferred direction?
3. Put it in your calendar!
How can you manage your time this year, the rhythm of work and life flow, and the challenge of competing demands for your focus and energy to make space for your intentional growth step?
If it can’t be calendarised it probably won’t happen. So now, at the start of a new year is the perfect time to carve out intentional space in your weeks or months to make room for this investment in your own development.
If you’re digital, you could set a recurring alarm to remind you to do what you need to. You could put appointment times in your calendar as space you’ll guard to give attention to your commitment. You might need to contact someone and sync some calendar times to meet with them.
Our best intentions often fall victim to the encroaching of … well … life! into our discretionary spaces. So they must be given planning priority if they are going to be engaged in with the regularity, consistency and energy needed for them to have the desired impact on our growth.
Choose one thing – how are you needing or hoping to grow as a leader?
Choose one action – what’s one achievable, measurable step you could take towards growth in that area?
Calendarise it! Plan it into the scope of your year. Prioritise it so that it doesn’t get relegated by all the things that would compete for the resource of your time, attention and energy.
And a bonus tip – tell someone about it! Say it out loud – put it in print and give someone permission to hold you accountable to what you want to do because of who you want to be.
It may seem like you don’t have time to invest in your own development and growth but the reality is that you don’t have time not to. Your ministry and teams will benefit from any strengthening of your ability and capacity to lead in ways that will multiply the effectiveness of your time and efforts.
Don’t keep putting it off. Don’t de-list it as a priority. This could just be your year!
You know those years that become lifetime markers? Where your story becomes divided into before and after? 2002 was that year for me.
Amongst a whole lot of changes, challenges and growth it was also a year of great loss. I miscarried a much longed for baby and then my marriage of 8 years ended.
As dramatic as it sounds, it really felt like I was “done”. My greatest hopes for my future – to be a wife and mother – were dashed. I’m 28 years old and I’m done. And, as if my own fears and doubts weren’t screaming loudly enough, others gave voice to judgement and condemnation. “Divorced people can’t serve in the church.”
Done.
Through a dear friend, God illuminated Isaiah 54 to my heart and rarely has a portion of scripture ever spoken so directly and powerfully to my very core.
It’s long. And there are many layers to the significance of all 17 verses and the context of the scripture in the greater biblical narrative. But let me highlight just a few (reading from The Message translation).
“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the Lord.” v1
Boom! What?
“The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.” v6
🙋🏼♀️
So incredibly affirming and embracing. He sees. He knows. He holds.
Amidst all of the upheaval I was processing two big decisions – an apparent call into generations ministry and what to do with the large family home of which I was now in sole possession.
“More are the children of the barren woman…” at that time there were at least 30 who would come under my ministry umbrella! And God in His grace called me to nurture an ever growing gaggle of children and families that shaped a culture and focus for ministry in the context He placed me. Also moulding a lifelong ministry message and opening my heart and arms to some incredibly special little ones He has gifted to my life over the years since.
But, to the main point of this reflection – the Tent.
“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.” v2
At a time when it felt like my world and my dreams had been completely shrunk, God’s word to me was one of expansiveness and big picture dreaming. Spread out!!! Think big!! So, as I looked at this big 4.5 bedroom home – purchased with the dream of hosting a growing family but now just a home for one – God was shaping a vision for a different type of filling and a redirecting of my mother-heart to a different kind of loving.
Thus The Tent.
Make room. Make room for ministry, for meeting spaces, for parties, for storage; for a community trailer. Make room for guests, for those in need of emergency accommodation, for the convalescing, the international traveler, for the visitor and those needing a place to call home. Make room for dinner parties for 16 and takeaway on the couch for two. Make room for dreaming and writing, preparing and creating; for baking and making. Make room to embrace and to launch. Make room for tears, for doubts, for reflection, for grieving, for searching; for prayers. Make room for great joy and loud, loud laughter. Make room for deep learning, for growth, for failure and recovery. Make room for singing and dancing and trampoline jumping. Make room for babies and children, for youth and their leaders, for mentors and friendships, for family and colleagues. Make room for memories and moments.
Make room.
Stretch your tent curtains wide. Don’t hold back.
A vision for a physical location, but more importantly a mandate for a way to live. Make room. A desire for an ever-enlarging heart. For ongoing and greater generosity. For continuing openness even when wounding or grief would seek to close me down. For hospitality in its truest definition – welcome, inclusion, comfort and connection.
And now the Tent has relocated. But the physical aspect has only ever been one part. So even though this iteration is smaller (for now) the prophetic vision over it is still as large. The door is open, the kettle at the ready, the guest beds are made, everything is to be shared and my heart’s desire is to always be a place of welcome for all who would come.
The full text of Isaiah 54 (The Message translation) can be found here
That’s a statement of commitment, of aspiration, of obedience and stewardship … but also one of hopefulness tinged with fear.
I lost my mojo in 2017. I’m not sure how to explain why (in just a few sentences) but even now, as I’m writing and re-writing and re-starting and starting over again and feeling verbally constipated and questioning every thought that comes to my mind – I’m fighting the oppression, doubt and intimidation – the voice of criticism and questioning – that comprehensively beat me (specifically in relation to my writing) in 2018.
I hate how derailed I’ve been. I hate how much power I’ve given to a voice that’s not speaking the truth and life of God.
But this year I will be writing again.
“Your message is for ministry.”
Running parallel to the paralysis that carried over from the end of 2017, last year was the most freeing, affirming and empowering time I’ve ever known – an odd juxtaposition.
I feel like God has done a Mufasa on me – you know, the scene from the Lion King where he takes Simba to the top of Pride Rock and says “Look Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom” (God often teaches me in Disney metaphors and quotes – don’t judge me – He knows my heart language.) God has lifted my chin to cause me to look up and around and see so much possibility and opportunity, and then let me loose in it! I feel like I’m in the sweetest ministry spot; where everything that I’ve been privileged to experience and learn, is combining with all of my gifts, skills and passions, and I’m more confident than ever in my shape, call and capacity. By confident I mean, I am completelyaware that anything of wisdom or value I have to offer comes from God and His resource for those things is inexhaustible – so, let’s go!!
Years ago, when I was feeling the final prompts to write the book, I was wrestling writing-doubts and commented to a friend, “Perhaps the message of this book is just for me.” She fired back, “No, when God gives you a message, it’s for ministry.” Boom!
So, this year I’m writing again. Because He keeps giving me messages, so I’ll keep handing them over for ministry.
They’ve been seconded for an important Monday morning ministry that required availability in two categories. The first – that they needed to be somewhere at a specific time prior to 9am on Monday morning – in their case, school at 8:20am. Done. The second – they needed to be up for an early morning conversation – not a difficult task for this 15 year old deep-thinker, 14 year old sanguine and 11 year old lover-of-a-good-story. Done.
The ministry requirement is this – to help me fight a debilitating case of Mondayitis.
Although Sundays are my favourite days, they are also my longest and most physically exhausting. The love tank is full but the physical energy is depleted. Then comes Monday morning and we have our review and planning meetings – where I’m called on to bring the creativity, energy and lateral thinking. But more consistently, all I’m really able to bring is the coffee.
After a few challenging meetings, some disappointments in my own attitude and contributions, and just knowing that things were not functioning as positively or helpfully as they could, I was talking it through with a mentor. She encouraged me to consider ways to get myself in a better frame of mind and readiness for the start of the day and week.
Enter this fabulous trio.
The need to have them at school means I arrive at work 40 minutes before my first meeting – rather than 1 minute before (or after!) it starts. I have time to get a few emails processed, sort through things left on my desk and say hello to a few other people in the office. I’m more relaxed, switched on and ready to engage a better version of me.
As an externally processing extrovert, people interaction is what kick starts my engine – especially when I’m weary. Arriving at morning meetings having not actually used my voice let alone had a laugh or shared a moment of human interaction is not a great way to start. These kids ensure many laughs and a whole lot of random chats in the brief trip to the school car park.
And as an added bonus this team has totally adopted their ministry role in my life. If you ask them why I take them to school on Monday mornings they’ll tell you that they help to get my day started well and make me work better. As they get out of the car they’ll often check to see if they’ve made me laugh enough or told enough random stories. Bless them.
Some encouragements for you. Have you reflected on your own responses and best practices to be able to set yourself up to win? Who can you recruit to help you achieve that? And what might your ‘Monday morning ministry’ be? Who could you bless with some practical or emotional support?
This is a sign that sits on my desk at work. Each time I read it – it causes me to pause again to acknowledge what a privilege it is that I get paid to be in ministry.
I get to do this!
I get to pursue God’s gifting on my life for His Kingdom purposes and their expression through His church FULL TIME. I get to do some of my most favourite things in the world – (including but not limited to) preach His word, mentor and encourage emerging leaders and disciples, host environments where connections to God and one another are possible for people of every generation, help people discern Godly wisdom in their lives, bring the light of God’s truth into the darkness and despair of broken people, have a front row seat to God’s transforming power at work in people’s lives, equip and empower others for mission and ministry – for a job! Are you kidding me?!
Other people have to do that in their spare time. Other people have to work 40 hours a week in an office somewhere and then find ways to engage in church service and community in their spare time.
Can you believe we get to do this?
Let’s not undervalue the weight of the role.
Much is spoken of the burden and responsibility of ministry. It’s real and it can sometimes seem overwhelming. In recent years the notions of self-care and work-life balance have been raised in focus for those in full-time ministry in response to demoralising statistics on burn out and drop out. The stewardship God entrusts to His appointed leadership is one to be honoured and carefully held.
Let’s not overstate the weight of the role.
On the other side of the ledger is the incredible privilege and joy it is to have our vocation and our deeply held convictions and passions be so integrated. Let’s not lose sight of that.
We are ministers not martyrs.
The challenges of being in high demand, emotional investment, cost to family, potential financial sacrifice, and possible overwork or stress are not unique to ministry. People working in the marketplace experience theses things too. Many work places require long hours or shift work and many of them fail to offer any emotional support or compensation for families (as a church ought). There is a reality to the flexibility and nature of the ministry lifestyle that can in fact be more favourable than other careers.
In a career sense, vocational ministry is simultaneously intensely unique and also quite ‘normal’. But in the richness of its devastations and burden and it’s profound honour and celebrations let us not lose sight of this arresting question. Can you believe we get to do this?
Jesus committed to building it and He intends to come back for it and until then it’s the hope of the world! It’s the means by which Christians are built up in faith, pointed to Jesus and mobilised for His mission. It’s a community that can reveal and represent the love of Father God to those yet to encounter Him. It’s a mechanism to mobilise those who’ve experienced the greatest of love, mercy and grace to extend it to the least and the last to bring transformation to the world. I love the Church – even in all her brokenness and dysfunction.
I am grieved anytime the Church falls short of all it can be and do. I hate when the Church does a bad job of showing Jesus to others and advancing His gospel. I am disappointed when people are let down by the Church. I am eternally frustrated by those within who have such negative and critical things to say about her.
But then I remember why.
Because the Church is me. It’s you. It’s not an entity or organisation beyond the people who are in it. You are the Church. You are the “they”.
Of course, each church will have its leadership and many will have paid staff of varying sizes and makeup, but these roles aren’t the Church. They exist to help you and I to be the Church.
God calls us to connect to a faith community and invest ourselves in it. He gifts us to serve one another so we might experience and express the fullness of that and so together we might be a force for His Kingdom in our local area and beyond. To see the broken restored, the wounded healed, and the bound set free in Jesus’ name.
So if “they” are not doing something right, enough or at all. If “they” don’t have suitable programs for specific demographics, sufficient leadership or quality of volunteers. If “they” haven’t got the budget for further facilities or to staff opportunities. If “they” aren’t active enough in the community. If “they” aren’t welcoming of new people. If “they” aren’t providing mentors or developing leaders. If “they” aren’t employing new technologies or advocating for justice or … or mowing the lawns frequently enough!
Let’s remember who “they” are.
God gives vision and authority to leadership to guide us. But He gives each of US to our churches to partner with Him in His ministry and mission. When you speak of ‘the Church’, you’re talking about me, you’re talking about you!
Recently I emailed our youth parents to let them know about our upcoming Youth & Young Adult camp. Our theme this year is “Alive in Us” and we’ll be utilising the resources from Youth Alpha and a visiting speaker to engage the topic of the Holy Spirit. As a team, we are keen to have our youth families on board and have sought to enlist their (and our church family’s) prayer coverage and support as we prepare and head off next weekend.
One of the emails I received back from the parents had this as the opening line: “You have our trust.”My heart leapt!! What an awesome reply! Such an incredibly powerful thing to communicate. “You have our trust.”
Our ministry teams work hard to be worthy of the trust of the parents we serve alongside in the raising and faith development of our young people. They are diligent in their faith and personal life, committed to all aspects of their ministry role and dedicated to developing personal relationships with the children in their care. Do they have your trust?
It’s a question for parents to ask in relation to school teachers, church leaders, sports coaches and music instructors alike; do they have your trust?
Two thoughts flow from that question … the first is to recognise that your children will know if those people have your trust or not and it will communicate very powerfully to them whether or not they should trust them too. How do you speak about your child’s teacher or their coach? Do you demonstrate trust in the way you encourage your child to respond to their instruction? Do you model respect in the way you speak about and handle disagreement?
Secondly, does your child’s leader (teacher/coach/mentor/instructor) KNOW they have your trust? Have you communicated that to them (directly or indirectly)? Or have you, by your absence of affirmation and action, allowed room for their leaders to doubt your support or trust?
Easily fixed … just an email, a call, a ‘thank you’, a handshake. “You have our trust”.
kimberly smith 