#4 when encouragement is a casualty 


My sister-in-law is a really good cook!

Back in the day, I would find it really hard to encourage her when she cooked something nice. To actually articulate “this tastes great” didn’t seem to roll off my tongue very easily. It took me a while, but I worked out I feared that by saying HER cooking was good I was saying MY cooking was inferior. That innate in complimenting her was an element of putting myself down or somehow lessening my own abilities. So the combination of my pride and jealousy stopped me from encouraging her, fearful I would somehow diminish myself by affirming her.

You’re all shaking your heads and ‘tutting’ quietly to yourselves right now … “that Kim sure has problems, who would do such a thing?” YOU WOULD! Go on, admit it, you do it! Or you’ve done it. Or you know someone who has done it. Continue reading

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The True Cost of Jealousy #1

Australia’s 12.4 BILLION dollar advertising industry is built largely on the human heart’s capacity for jealousy and envy. We are all well aware of their strategies because, even though we can often see them for exactly what they are, they work! We are constantly bombarded with images of people living a better lifestyle, gadgets that are higher-tech, clothes and accessories that are more stylish; the allure of bigger, better, more.

As we’ve looked at in previous blogs, jealousy is a warning light. It reveals something of what is happening in our hearts and minds that is out of line or unhealthy. It can show us that we’re looking around for our sense of self instead of ahead to God, it can show that we’re not trusting in God’s plans, provision or purpose; or it can show us we’re doing the right things with the wrong motives.

Continue reading

The True Cost of Jealousy #3

One of the greatest costs of jealousy – to ourselves, to those around us, to any environment we find ourselves in – is that it keeps us from fully celebrating other people. This cannot be overstated in terms of its impact on the culture of our relationships and interactions; how it influences the tone of our families, our workplaces and our faith communities.

Rom 12:15 says “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

I think we often find the mourning easier to do – we can empathise and sympathise and connect with others in their place of grief and loss. But something of the jealousy response in us prevents us from fully celebrating other people and their experiences of success or joy. Continue reading

The True Cost of Jealousy #2

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

It continues with quite a list … including a time to be born and a time to die, a time to scatter and a time to gather, a time to search and a time to give up. And then concludes in verse 11 by saying “He has made everything beautiful in His time.”

There is a time for everything. God has ordered the changes in the physical world and He also orders them in OUR world. There is a time for sleeping in and a time for sleepless nights. There is a time for travelling and a time for staying around home. There is a time to spend and a time to save (or scrape by). There are times of deep grief and times of great rejoicing. There are seasons of relative ease and times of seemingly perpetual struggle. Continue reading

The Warning Light of Jealousy #4

King Solomon (who history acknowledges as the wisest man to have lived) made this observation.

“I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” Eccl 4:4

He looks around him and sees that everyone’s work and everything they’re trying to achieve is motivated by their jealousy over what everyone else is doing or what they have achieved. And he says, it’s dumb! It’s meaningless! Continue reading

The Warning Light of Jealousy #3

Last year my friend and I got Gold Class movie tickets as a Christmas gift. We got ourselves settled into the comfy couches (DO NOT go when you are tired unless you’re just wanting to pay for a nap – waaaay too cozy!) and took a selfie – as you do – and checked-in online, tagging the friend that had given us the tickets so they could see us enjoying them.

A friend of mine, married with two adorable kiddies, posted on the picture saying “oh to be single again”!

Ok, firstly, pretty sure married people are allowed to go to the movies too! But that’s beside the point. Continue reading

The Warning Light of Jealousy #2

If you’ve ever been to a kids’ athletics competition and watched the sprint races you might have noticed a common phenomenon. In their competitive enthusiasm to run *really* fast and, more importantly, faster than the others you’ll often see them spending more time worrying about where their fellow competitors are than what they’re actually doing themselves. Any sense of technique or “rhythm” (which are the hallmarks of good sprinting) go out the window as they look to the left and right of themselves to see how they’re tracking.

“Oooh, I’m beating him, I’m going great!” … “Oooh, he’s beating me, go faster!!”

I’ve seen children so distort their bodies to check around them that they can end up running out of their lanes (and disqualifying themselves from the race) as a result. At the very least, they are highly unlikely to run their best race if this is their focus.

True in the physical – true in the spiritual. Continue reading

The Warning Light of Jealousy #1

Hi. My name is Kimberly and I get jealous (a lot)!

**chorus – Hi Kim!**

It feels better to get that out. Confession is good for the soul!

Whilst I wouldn’t call it my friend, jealousy has definitely been a constant companion. More like an inappropriate friend-slash-stalker, always lurking, always nearby.

Jealousy, for me, centres around my (and others’) life stage. I’m single and childless – and not by choice or expectation. I am frequently jealous of the “coupledness” of others. I am jealous of the sense of belonging and connection they experience within marriage – they have their ‘person’. I am jealous that others go home from things with or to partners and families and I go home alone. I sometimes literally ache with the desire to be a mum – to be a little person’s person.

That’s the default of my unchecked, undisciplined thought life. I really love my life as it is now. I love the freedoms and opportunities that are mine to enjoy in this season. It’s why I choose to FIGHT the jealousy rather than let it embitter me. But it is a constant wrestle, a daily choice; a battle not always won. Continue reading